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Are you thinking of saying “I love you” to someone? Love takes time and using the “L” word too early can be dangerous. If you want relationship advice on how to say this to someone, you may want to consider looking for some key signs first. Some say that love takes six months in a new relationship to fully form. I would say that this can be good advice as long as you do not treat love as blind. Often we mistake passion for love and overlook important warning signs such as family issues, dating history, or our own eagerness. If you are looking for a solid relationship, consider these factors before saying, “I love you.”
First, ask yourself if she is high maintenance. For example, if dating her involves a lot of drama, it’s a sign of neediness that tends towards destructive relationships. She may enjoy the drama and need a lot of attention. A lot of times, someone who experiences strong emotional highs can easily switch to strong negative feelings in a heartbeat. If she complains a lot about past friends or ex boyfriends, this may be a warning sign. Most healthy adults do not have a ton of burnt bridges. In fact, being a bad breaker upper often says something about her conflict resolution skills.
Secondly, you need to look at your argument history. For beginners, have you had a fight? Believe it or not, if you’ve been dating for a few months and have never had a fight, it’s a bad sign. Often this means that you don’t communicate to each other or are bottling up bad feelings when they happen. If you haven’t seen her at her worst, then you don’t know her that well. To be sure, it’s also hard to sustain an ongoing intimate relationship if you are fighting all the time, so you do want a balance.
More importantly, you want to know how you each behave when you are in a fight. For example, it’s a bad sign if you use a lot of “all or nothing” language with each other and are very accusative. On the other hand, its a positive sign if she tries to understand both sides or acknowledges when she is being a little irrational. This tells you a lot about how compatible you are with each other. Finally, how do your fights end? Do you get some sort of resolution or do you just stay resentful? If its the latter or if you just distract the fight with sex, you may be holding on to a ticking time bomb.
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