Discovering that your girlfriend has been lying or cheating can be one of the most humiliating, gut-wrenching and awful experiences any guy can experience.
The emotional pain and feelings of betrayal can be so strong and so overwhelming that you lose all sense of what to do. It can be easy to lose control if you’re not careful and, unfortunately, dealing with a lying or cheating girlfriend demands that you are clear-headed and in-control so you deal with it in the best way possible.
Read on to learn how to deal with a lying and cheating girlfriend in the best way possible and avoid the common mistakes most men make.
1) Get some distance from the situation.
If you find out that your girlfriend has lied or cheated, it can be very easy for your emotions to take you over and make a rash move. As a man, when you are overwhelmed by emotion you will seldom make a good decision.
Instead, tell your girlfriend that you need space from her and that you’ll talk to her when you’re ready. At this point, it’s better that you don’t give any reasons why other than that you need to get your head straight and that you need space for the sake of the relationship.
If she cares about you, your feelings and the relationship, she will give you the space that you need.
When it comes to getting your feelings worked out, your girlfriend will be the last one you’d want to be in contact with. Give yourself a week apart without contact with her to work things out.
2) Get some perspective.
If you have close friends or family that you trust, talk to them about the situation. Vent to them as much as you need and listen to what they have to say. Sharing your feelings with people who care about you, especially other guys who genuinely support you, can be incredibly helpful in giving you clarity into how to handle your relationship situation.
Additionally, journal your thoughts about your relationship and your girlfriend situation. Get it all out and journal every day for the week that you are not speaking with your girlfriend.
Writing in a journal can feel uncomfortable or difficult at first, but once you get started it’s easy. You will have a much clearer mind and the solution will easily present itself when you have mental clarity. Writing in your journal is the quickest, easiest path to getting mental clarity.
Just hanging out with friends can be a great way to take your mind off of your lying and cheating girlfriend troubles. Sometimes the best way to deal with relationship troubles is to take your mind off them completely for a while too.
Combining these two strategies of focusing hard on your thoughts and feelings about your relationship and then taking your mind off of your relationship completely is a really powerful way to free yourself from the crushing emotional pressures and get perspective on how to resolve your girlfriend’s lying or cheating behaviors.
3) Have an honest conversation with her.
Once you have taken a week to get mental clarity and perspective, it’s time to talk to your girlfriend.
This is not easy. Overwhelming emotions may come up for you that will be hard to deal with as you talk about your relationship with her. She may have trouble talking about it as well.
Give yourself permission to feel any pain or emotions that come up. You do not need to pretend to be some kind of emotionless “super man” – relationships can be emotional and fighting your emotions will drain you of valuable energy and mental clarity. If you can just accept and allow your emotions to happen as they feel throughout the conversation, you will be able to maintain your mental clarity.
Find out if she wants this relationship with you. At this point, it would be best to ask her directly if she still wants to be in this relationship with you. Before you can move forward, you need to know whether or not you are on the same page.
4) Figure out her reasons for her lying and cheating behavior.
Relationships involve two people – nobody’s perfect and when a relationship is having problem, both you and your girlfriend share the responsibility for how your relationship is now.
When a woman lies to or cheats on her boyfriend, it can leave a lasting scar on how he feels about the future of his relationship with her or with any woman in the future.
But this lasting scar can be avoided by understanding why things happened the way they did. If you can give your girlfriend the space to explain herself without you jumping in, interrupting or verbally attacking her, you will gain insight and understanding into what you can do to avoid this ever happening again.
It can be difficult to keep a clear head during a conversation like this, but remember: The understanding you gain here will help you avoid having a lasting emotional scar and will help you have better relationships going forward.
Be prepared to hear some things that you won’t want to hear. Give her the space and permission to say how she really feels – there may be things she blames you for or things she felt were your fault.
When it comes to a conversation like this, no amount of arguing, fighting or blaming will help you. There’s no way to be “right” in a conversation like this – your only real option is to understand what led you and your relationship here so that you can avoid it in the future.
5) Clearly state your terms.
If you both decide that you want to continue your relationship, then clearly state what you need from her in order for the relationship to continue.
Let her know that if she lies or cheats again that you will end the relationship. More importantly, mean it – you know that you can’t go on in a relationship worrying and wondering if she’s lying or cheating on you. Trust is an essential foundation to any relationship.
6) Accept what’s happened and move on.
There’s a saying: ”There’s no use in burying the hatchet if you’re just going to dig it back up again.”
People make mistakes and relationships have ups and downs. If your girlfriend truly wants to fix the relationship with you and move on, then you need to have the conversation, get on the same page, then move on.
If you can’t accept what’s happened and move on from it, then your relationship will constantly be tainted by her lying or cheating behavior and, over time, your distrust in her will erode the quality of your relationship.
Forgiveness and acceptance is not for the other person. It’s for you. Many people make the mistake of not forgiving the other person in the relationship because they don’t want to just “let them off the hook”.
The truth is that when you don’t forgive, you end up torturing yourself endlessly with something that’s already over and done with in the past. If you’ve learned your lesson and said what you needed to say, then keeping the past alive will do nothing but cause you unnecessary pain.
It won’t protect you from making mistakes… it will only torture you. So for your own sake, if you want the relationship to continue, learn to accept what happened, forgive your girlfriend and move on. It’s possible that it will even lead to a better, stronger understanding and relationship with your girlfriend.
On the other hand, if you cannot find a way to forgive her and accept what happened, it may be best to end the relationship. Granted, acceptance and forgiveness takes time, so do not expect it to happen over time. But you know yourself better than anyone else – if you cannot live with being in a relationship with your girlfriend due to something she did that you cannot accept, then ending the relationship may be the best move for both of you.
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